ref: fd9be2e172be4ae02a18d721a10f6f96ca1c924f
dir: /troff/0106.ms/
.LP .ce .ps 16 .CW I DOUBT IT .R .ps 10 .br .ce .ps 10 .B 1 .P .PP .ps 10 .I .DC F irst you get good, then you get crazy, then you get good and crazy. .R .PP .ps 10 Albert Lunsford dispensed wisdom to the children of the Basement. Or so Lunsford dreamed. .PP .ps 10 "Wake up, kid." .PP .ps 10 Slake nudged the boy, poking him in the shoulder with his side\-arm. The boy just kind of laid there. .PP .ps 10 "Get up." .PP .ps 10 .I "God, .R leave me alone." .PP .ps 10 Slake banged his gun on the nightstand, causing Lunsford's glass of water to tip over. It spilled onto his face. .PP .ps 10 "Hey!" .PP .ps 10 "Out of bed. You're wanted in the kitchen." .ce .ps 10 .B 2 .P .PP .ps 10 Nana had been busy programming diapers when the recruiter had made his presence known. .PP .ps 10 "Sit down, Lunsford." .PP .ps 10 Albert sunk into a chair, resting his elbows on the table. He didn't want to be here. .PP .ps 10 "Why is there a headhunter in my kitchen?" .PP .ps 10 "Nana, I don't\(em" .PP .ps 10 Wrong. .PP .ps 10 "Don't backsass me. .I Think. .R How did he get down here?" .PP .ps 10 .I Reel it out. Slowly. Can't afford to be on punishment when you have to report for the job. .R .PP .ps 10 "I... let him in." .PP .ps 10 Slake shook his head. .PP .ps 10 "Unacceptable!" Nana stamped her foot. It was clear now that she was angry. Passed the gun to Albert. .I "You .R take care of him." .PP .ps 10 Lunsford accepted the weapon and checked the command history. Logged out and then logged back in. .PP .ps 10 "Sorry, fella. We're not interested." .PP .ps 10 Albert trained the weapon on the terrified recruiter, closed his eyes, and and then slowly squeezed the trigger. .ce .ps 10 .B 3 .P .PP .ps 10 .I Ten minutes ago... .R .PP .ps 10 Royt Piper had heard all about the Basement. .PP .ps 10 From headquarters. From no one in particular. The information coming out had been spotty, but a picture had started to form. If reports could be trusted, these Basement dwellers had located the Shroud. .PP .ps 10 "There's a signing bonus of thirty\-five million dollars. BCT is a nine week stint in Vincennes. AIT is another six weeks up in Indianapolis. You'll get good and tired of Indiana before you're finished." .PP .ps 10 "I believe you," said Albert Lunsford. .PP .ps 10 "Thinspo, Lunsford. Comes with the shirt." .PP .ps 10 "It's plausible, at least," said Albert. .PP .ps 10 "The Shroud definitely belonged to Isaac Newton. The material is a verified cotton blend. Plasmoids in the fibers indicate an early 18th century provenance. The inscription, obviously, his words." .PP .ps 10 "I said it sounded plausible." .PP .ps 10 Royt held up the model Shroud. A 6XL t\-shirt that drug the floor even as he stood balanced on the edge of the mattress. .PP .ps 10 "Read it," he said. .PP .ps 10 Lunsford's lips moved as he scanned the words. .I "I DOUBT IT," .R he read aloud. .PP .ps 10 "Good," observed Piper. "Reading is believing." .ce .ps 10 .B 4 .P .PP .ps 10 Albert folded up the complimentary replica Shroud and placed it carefully in his chest of drawers. He was suddenly feeling very tired. He told Royt he could crash in the empty room down the hall. Then, he climbed into his bed and turned out the lights, his dissipating thoughts lingering momentarily upon his novel\-in\-progress. Nothing in his life seemed compelling enough to preserve in writing. Certainly not the minutae of this job, or anything else that had happened here in the Basement. He resigned himself to generating purposeless licensed material and promptly fell asleep. .ce .ps 10 .B 5 .P .PP .ps 10 .I Back in the present... .R .PP .ps 10 Nana mopped the kitchen floor. .PP .ps 10 Slake thought, .I She seems overly concerned with keeping the place clean. .R He leaned back in his chair and lit another cigarette. .PP .ps 10 "Albert. This is disappointing. Do you really not understand why we can't have recruiters wandering around in the Basement?" .PP .ps 10 Nana leaned on her mop, waiting for an answer. She glared at the ashes Slake flicked onto her floor. .PP .ps 10 "I\-I suppose these men are predisposed to asking a lot of questions." .PP .ps 10 "It's not the questions that are the problem. It's the paperwork. They'll trip you up with what they write down." .PP .ps 10 "Give me six lines written by the hand of the most honest man..." Albert trailed off. .PP .ps 10 "No contracts," offered Slake, in summary. .PP .ps 10 "No company will ever pay you enough to successfully sue them," recited Albert, under his breath. .PP .ps 10 At last, Nana seemed satisfied. Slake nodded approvingly. .PP .ps 10 "Very good. Now, let's get you into your jammies. It's time for bed." .ce .ps 10 .B 6 .P .PP .ps 10 Nana and Slake made sure the children were asleep before they locked down the hallway and made their way to Thomas' room. .PP .ps 10 Knocked on his door. The boy was evidently still awake. He lay on his bed, staring at the drop ceiling, perhaps waiting for them to arrive. He signaled for them to enter. .PP .ps 10 "A diaper marketed to automatically upload its oracular interpretation of the child's feces," he suggested. .PP .ps 10 "Old news," said the old woman. "We've been using them for years. Hell, from what I understand, you used to wear them." .PP .ps 10 "Just an idea," said Thomas, unpeturbed. .PP .ps 10 "Something has happened," stated Slake, serious as a library fire. "The Lunsford boy. Brought in a recruiter. Someone asking about the Shroud." .PP .ps 10 .I "Mein Gott. .R Did he sign anything?" .PP .ps 10 "Unknown at this time. Have to wait it out. That's the word from counsel." .PP .ps 10 "Not a great position to be in." .PP .ps 10 "Agreed." .PP .ps 10 Nana fidgeted, impatiently. "It won't matter if he's signed on or not. He's still a minor." .PP .ps 10 "Won't much matter if they've gone and lowered the draft age. Marketers working now don't even shave." .PP .ps 10 "Hm. Sounds like they're getting desperate, up top." .PP .ps 10 "Irrelevant. Basement is still off\-limits. Regardless of denomination." .ce .ps 10 .B 7 .P .PP .ps 10 Lunsford. .PP .ps 10 "Bah. Stupid Shroud doesn't even fit."