ref: 7f2f5eb9c1a580e7d7fbfb821507cd982b2efcf9
dir: /troff/0315.ms/
.LP .ce .ps 18 .B GREEN SQUARES .R .ps 10 .B tags: 1993, interviewer, pennis_mold, plinth_mold, .br wetbeard .R .PP .ps 12 It was Plinth's turn to evince incredulity. Obviously, there was no lighthouse at these coordinates, or at any other coordinates in the general vicinity. The apparent reality of the situation did not mesh with with common sense. The situation was untenable. .PP .ps 12 Plinth employed the use of a vintage chronometer, worn on his wrist. Presently, he fingered the device as his lawyers booted up their paperwork. "We're in the middle of the South Atlantic, Wetbeard," he said. "Please explain." .PP .ps 12 "Sir, I don't know where it came from. I looked down, and then I looked up. From out of nowhere, it was there." .PP .ps 12 "Well, what am I paying you for? Steer the ship out of its way." .PP .ps 12 "Sir, that's what I've been trying to tell you. I\(em" .PP .ps 12 "So, after you founded .I 'MATERIAL', .R then what?" .PP .ps 12 "Plinth was impressed. I'd finally done something right. With his encouragement, I went ahead and launched .I TURBO FUCKIN': SENSUAL MAGAZINE .R as well as the fringe one, .I SASQUATCH COLOGNE. .R Neither of them lasted long." .PP .ps 12 "Hm. What went wrong?" .PP .ps 12 "Basically, I went to sleep one night and had a dream that God was real. I mean, physically .I real. .R And I was lucky enough to be born as His incarnation on Earth. I guess what was most difficult about the whole episode was that I... Well, I actually believed it. I believed in the dream wholeheartedly." .PP .ps 12 "Haha, a foolproof source of information because dreams are so often known to mirror reality." .PP .ps 12 "Exactly. Heh. You know, don't ask me to explain it, but at the time it seemed rational. Or should I say, intuitive." .PP .ps 12 "Ah, I see. That old pratfall. Laid clean by the banana peel of subjective cognition. I remember a time when I was forced by my grandfather to drive one of those four-wheeled automobiles. .I Mercedes, .R I believe they were called. I couldn't make sense of the steering mechanism. No Tetris blocks, as we have today. My grandfather was livid. He actually punched me in the shoulder! He couldn't believe that someone my age would have no interest in piloting one of his antique vehicles. What a laugh, right? I told him to just use his leaf and order the groceries himself. Of course, by the time all of this took place he had been blind for thirty years." .PP .ps 12 "What can I say. You only know what you know. If you can't trust your own mind, what can you trust? The tactile leaf interface was foreign to him; the car, not so much. Your grandfather probably thought you were an idiot." .PP .ps 12 "And I, him. you have to admit that there was no real way he could have taught me to drive, in his condition. He was not equipped for the task. Just as in your dream, you conceived that the Green had been made flesh. Believing yourself, in fact, to be an .I incarnation .R of the Green, despite a complete lack of empirical evidence for your claim. I'm sure you can see the parallel I'm drawing here. Both of you were groping for an appropriate set of terms, clawing for a hand-hold in the cliff-face of ambiguity that immediately blocked your path." .PP .ps 12 "Okay, okay, you've got me there. Maybe I wasn't God after all." .PP .ps 12 The boat lurched sharply, causing the walls of the mess hall to reorient violently. The interviewer's laughter seg-faulted into a vague, restrained panic. .PP .ps 12 "I don't like the sound of that." .PP .ps 12 "Neither will my brother." .PP .ps 12 Silence then, as Pennis rearranged his folders. .PP .ps 12 "Tell me again about God's peculiarities with regards to intellectual property." .PP .ps 12 "Oh yes. As God, I briefly refused to interact with humans on the grounds that one of them might try to sue me... In the event that I ended up creating something which too closely resembled one of their fan fictions. Or .I prayers, .R as they were known." .PP .ps 12 "Never mind the Scriptures, I guess! Was this before or after the introduction of your DNA-filtering condoms?" .PP .ps 12 "Oh, long before. All of this happened before Plinth set me up in the manufacturing business. This was even before the .I RODS MAGAZINE .R lawsuits. I had yet to piss away my share of our father's fortune. Plinth was still doing the action figures, partnered with that Swedish fellow." .PP .ps 12 "I wonder if he's going to be happy to see you." .PP .ps 12 "He'll make it seem so. You see, I have physical possession of his Green certificates. And we both know he wants them back."